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Perks of Being a Vampire
Our world isn’t all Buffies and Van Helsings, you know… that brand of warrior is much rarer than the movies would have you believe.
At least, among humans.
It helps, to be a vampire.
Leave aside the flashy combat footage so familiar from your Blade and Underworld films. I’m aghast at the lack of creativity in such cinematography.
The incredibly strong vampire kills many men with his incredible strength.
The outlandishly fast vampire steals many secrets from human scientists with his outlandish speed.
The satanically seductive vampire seduces many women with his secrets of seduction.
I yawn at such scenes. Is that the limit of human imagination?
My hands are as solid as steel gauntlets and move faster than a hummingbird’s breath. Of course, I could tear out your entrails with my bare fingers or punch through a solid oaken door.
But for what?
I’m not saying I’m not evil. Far from it. By most human definitions I’m wickeder than a demon. I once bathed in the blood of a bride and groom while their wedding party waited in the next room.
The newspapers came up with a dandy tale to explain that one.
